You don’t know what you want!
It was the day that we had dreamed of.
After nearly a decade of work leading up to it. Failed projects, iterations, mistakes and reincarnations. We had landed a contract through a small, but important, management company who had one stadium-filling band as part of their roster.
We’d be offered something which beyond the early 1990’s seemed to all have but disappeared. A contract which gave us time to ‘develop.’ A very much not blank cheque allowing us about 12 months of writing, recording and touring time.
The specifics of exactly what this entailed, like many of these contracts in that industry, were non specified.
With crystal clear hindsight we should have stayed in work and used the money more productively, funding projects in a better way. But in the malaise of London meetings, offers and opportunity, the concept of limiting our time for a longer term view wasn’t on the table. There was also the acknowledgment that it isn’t particularly cool to say:
“Actually, let’s not do the full time thing. Let's divert part of this funding into increasing our ROI.”
While at the time, I'd like to think i was quite sensible for someone in their mid-20’s. I wasn’t that sensible!
The money we had been given to sustain ourselves over the period when split 4 ways left us somewhere between financially struggling and destitute.
To us though, this didn’t matter.
After all, what bunch of 20-somethings would really want anything more than a chance to do what we loved full time?
Practicals and Promise
The practicals of this milestones involved handing in our notice at various terrible jobs.
(First place for Grand Designs ‘Chernobyl Edition’)
Although as easy as it is to be jokingly flippant now. At the time, to walk away on my own terms felt like one of the biggest accomplishment of my life so far. The cumulation of over half a decade prior where I was on the point of quitting so many times, but didn’t. Often against all logic. Somehow and seemingly against all odds, it had managed to work out.
The problem is - as a group we had no idea what the expect next. There was a broad understanding of what we were going to do but we weren’t successful enough to have a blocked diary. We were all about to test the theory of:
“If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”
It may surprise you to know - the next 2 years would be the most challenging, frustrating and often, downright joyless of my life.
While there were some occasional unforgettable moments, these were vastly outweighed by the constant feeling of dread and uncertainty .
There was, of course, relying on and managing inconsistent people. The days spent waiting for people to turn up to prescheduled times. All that nonsense.
We all adapted to the pressure in different ways and while we tried to enjoy the moment as much as we could. There was no escaping that things had become serious. Instead of music being our passion project. It was now our job and the implications of success and failure had much wider spanning consequences for us now. Projects that were previously done for their own sake now had targets and expectations. A vast majority of their outcomes were uncontrollable.
Making progress was difficult to define, like slowly moving through the fog. Unsure of whether you should be starting to sprint or slowing down.
This combined with the practicals of surviving on very limited funds. It saps the life out of you. Money is freedom and choice.
“Money doesn’t talk, it swears.” - Bob Dylan
Follow your passion?
So apart from being a profession which is infamously brutal to make a living out of. Is there anything to take from this?
After all, we all ‘followed our passion’ and that should have kept us going, right?
It turns out, that was never good advice to begin with.
In a Yale University study Dr Amy Wrzeniewski studied various professionals at different stages of their life asking the question - do you consider the role you have a job or a calling?
What was surprising is that the longer that individual had been in that role and the more competent they became. The more likely they were to define their role as a calling.
The competency of that individual had a higher correlation to answering the role as ‘their calling’ more than the type of role.
Someone with 10 years experience being a College Administration Assistant who was extremely competent would often score as higher as someone who was a Junior Doctor. Despite the preconceptions of the roles associated with vocation. The findings showed the reason that people felt so strongly about their work is that through developing their competence they achieved a level of autonomy, which led them to regularly experiencing these 3 traits:
1) Creativity
2) Control
3) Impact
From this perspective, looking back at my experience. I can see it’s painfully obvious why we all struggled to adapt so much. While the ability to being allowed to be creative was off the charts. The other 2 were severely lacking.
In my last article I quoted Steve Jobs saying: “Because believing the dots will connect down the road will give the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path and that will make all the difference in your life.”
The reality is that Steve Jobs’s early passions were Western Dance and Calligraphy. It was his genius as an innovator and technological leader which led him to where he was. His competency developed into his passion, not the other way around.
As simplistic as the dream of ‘living the dream’ was.
It turns out, these things are dreams for a reason.
Pursuing Well-being > Pursuing Happiness
Now as I reflect back, older and hopefully wiser. I reflect on how privileged I am now to work a job I love which revolves around helping people align their money with what is important to them.
I also have absolutely no regrets on my past experience. For all the ups and down of the experience. It was an experience worth having. The adage of 'regretting the things you don't do' rings true. And I guess I have a decent follow your passion story to reflect on.
I also have to acknowledge that while I did enjoy business and economics from a younger age and I always wanted to do something that had a positive impact on people. Financial planning, investments and personal finance was a passion that came later.
It was an interest which developed into competence, which led to a real passion for what I do.
This begs the question, in advance - do we ever really know what we want?
The leading work on this is American psychologist and educator Martin Seligman who designed the PERMA Model. He believes for us to be truly content with our choices in life, the pursuit of well-being should be a priority over the pursuit of happiness.
Well-being has five measurable elements (PERMA) that count toward it:
Positive emotion (Of which happiness and life satisfaction are all aspects)
Engagement
Relationships
Meaning and purpose
Accomplishment
You cannot codify happiness, but you can turn the mirror back on ourselves when considering any life transition. It is worth thinking - what do I really want? How would my life be better in the above aspects should the change occur?
Whether it’s going through a change at work, retirement or just a general life transition. We have to develop and adapt as we go. Trying to keep a perspective on what is important to us.
The truth is - no-one knows exactly what they want, but that's ok.
One of life's true joys is finding out.
